My god, it has just struck me that I could really, really go for this woman subspeciality surgeon-researcher thing. Who gives a $hit about building a family? That house with a garden and 3 happy kids and Sparky the dog doesn't exist.

If I fudge my future career prospects trying to achieve the impossible I will never forgive myself.

Bottom-line for the confused: It is much easier for me to get into a training programme and work like a dog for 10 more years than to get the boyfriend to commit and/or his family to like me. Might as well give it up now. I don't know why I am trying so hard to hold on.

The old man on the hill was right.