My god, it has just struck me that I could really, really go for this woman subspeciality surgeon-researcher thing. Who gives a $hit about building a family? That house with a garden and 3 happy kids and Sparky the dog doesn't exist.

If I fudge my future career prospects trying to achieve the impossible I will never forgive myself.

Bottom-line for the confused: It is much easier for me to get into a training programme and work like a dog for 10 more years than to get the boyfriend to commit and/or his family to like me. Might as well give it up now. I don't know why I am trying so hard to hold on.

The old man on the hill was right.

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Sneaky Rebellion

I plan to wear my good old NIKE AIR sneakers to the hospital tomorrow.

Heh, I've had a fear of wearing those shoes for the longest time. I remember the pre-clinical years when eight medical students and a bored tutor (usually a health/science grad) huddled together in a small unventilated room. Whenever the person next to me touched his/her nose, I would think "Do my sneakers smell funky?"

Since the gastro wards smell x10000 worse than my sneakers, I shouldn't have any problem with my smelly-shoe paranoia tomorrow.

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My wallet and keys were stolen from me. The thief must have seen the bloodshot eyes signalling a lack of sleep... my housemate has been staying up late (3am...) to study and she has a tendency to slam doors and cupboards... I get up at 6am.

So I waste an entire week fixing my cards, worrying abt telltale slips of paper; today I realised my 512MB thumbdrive is missing as well. I sit outside the apartment doors, waiting for someone to help me get in, and I sink into deep depression.

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Longest sentence ever

Sometimes when I'm down and I wonder why I'm working so hard studying medicine in a foreign country where everything/everyone is always alien no matter how familiar I think I think I have become with the country and the people, I put my headphones on and listen to Jeremy Kay's "Have It All" and everything seems to fall into place, everything seems to make sense again.

Maybe it’s too soon to be sure but I
Really do believe that some day we’re gonna have it all
So I try so hard to keep the rhythm of a train
Rolling right along when the ride gets rough you got to carry on

:)

These days will pass. I'm going for gold.

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